Dissipation has been a life style, a state of mind for me in the last years. Let downs, blows from the past (not a haunting past in the sens that bad things happened, but more in the sens that nothing happened while I am now thinking that something should have happened...), floating between the possibles, not really knowing what's my morality line but still following some kind of path out of sin, you know, out of all this stuff that the wasted artists like to challenge to feel dirty and unpure..., loving wasted kids, not really hating fashionable healthy-looking kids, being stuck in the idea that the way the people approach each other is very very bad..., so staying away, away, appreciating the tought of being a distant mystery for strangers, prefering to pass by someone and feeling some kind of "dream of the possibles" that feels like bees in your stomach and body melting to concretisation...

So this is it, the world is all over the place wherever you are, and people are misadapted everywhere... Here, in China, this is the place to come if you want it easy... but want what? everybody wants the same things but me, because I know how to refuse, to refute, and even to create new needs and desires, but I can't find a way in a world that seems paved for the others, the common needs and desires. This is bad, really bad, I can't feel the futur pumping on the other side, the different life that breathes in today's air but that is waiting, languishing as they are not able... and as they are not able, I am not able, I lose the sight of it.

I'll just take another role next time, it feels kind of shamefull to be easy and almost swearing about how life is good here.

Later