Dissipation has been a life style, a state of mind for me in the last years. Let downs, blows from the past (not a haunting past in the sens that bad things happened, but more in the sens that nothing happened while I am now thinking that something should have happened...), floating between the possibles, not really knowing what's my morality line but still following some kind of path out of sin, you know, out of all this stuff that the wasted artists like to challenge to feel dirty and unpure..., loving wasted kids, not really hating fashionable healthy-looking kids, being stuck in the idea that the way the people approach each other is very very bad..., so staying away, away, appreciating the tought of being a distant mystery for strangers, prefering to pass by someone and feeling some kind of "dream of the possibles" that feels like bees in your stomach and body melting to concretisation...

So this is it, the world is all over the place wherever you are, and people are misadapted everywhere... Here, in China, this is the place to come if you want it easy... but want what? everybody wants the same things but me, because I know how to refuse, to refute, and even to create new needs and desires, but I can't find a way in a world that seems paved for the others, the common needs and desires. This is bad, really bad, I can't feel the futur pumping on the other side, the different life that breathes in today's air but that is waiting, languishing as they are not able... and as they are not able, I am not able, I lose the sight of it.

I'll just take another role next time, it feels kind of shamefull to be easy and almost swearing about how life is good here.

Later

It's been quite a while since I wrote something, I must apologize for my english readers as I may have neglected them for my french readers who are in a larger number since I'm french. I had lots of health problems these last days. I catched an everlasting cold, then for the last days i was throwing up and feeling very weak since i wasn't able to eat anything. Those are the joys of travelling far abroad. The only thing I haven't got so far is what usually the foreigners get first, tourista. There is not alot to do around here, mostly when you are not able to get what you want since that language barreer isn't easy to blow away. I bought a PS2, for entertainement with my hotel neighboors. Next step is a laptop, which I miss a lot for making music and playing the games I like. But I am not missing a lots of things except for that and maybe for the fact that the people here have absolutely no artistic initiative. They are very good at following and copying. Everything here is faked. The popular thing to do around here at night is karaoke. I can actually hear those chineses screaming their lumbs out on the late hours since my hotel room is close to one of those karaoke places. I really find that whole karaoke craze stupid. You only have a few songs repeating over and over again. You lock yourself in a room with a couple of people and you sing all night, as if you were the singer. They don't care for the music... usually it is a midi track with flat sounds. The important thing is that they recognize the song so that they can sing over it. Most of the songs are romance songs, as if they would have borrow the kitschiest side of western pop music. So if you are not into Karaoke, you may experience a long long time here. My fun is to make mouth sounds on the mic. It's time that I get back to music and start sampling those people around me. I don't really have new ideas, it will just come when I'll start making some new music.