Been neglecting you for my french readers, so sorry. By the way, if you want to see pictures, it's there on the french blog. Don't really know where to start, in fact there is nothing in my mind right now, but I am writting this english communication. First semester of school is almost over. Yes... And I don't know what I am going to do in winter, and I don't know what I am going to do with those people around me, and those girls.

I think the woman working at the market is mean. I think I should have had a back massage yesterday while drinking tea on that ten kilometers terrasse.

Christmas is coming, pretty soon. I am going to have it here. Gush, I am sorry... what poor speech... I bought gifts.... I bought all kind of stupid chinese stuff... I don't know who is gonna get it, maybe me. A horoscopic calender. A miniature mirror with a picture of a doll on the cover. Two evil Pierrots. Some spray of faked snow with a sad clown with "X"s for eyes on the bottle cover. A notebook for love or such. Maybe more...

I am getting lazy with my classes... I need more ideas in the kind of "what is a flowergirl?" to teach them. I am having fun drawing on the board. I am a poor drawer that's why.

I caught something like a chinese cold, it works inside your throat. I probably have to take those chinese medicine to help me. A whole bunch of pills so small that you don't even noticed if it's your mouth or not when trying to swallow it. I dream of the day when they make one big pill with all those small pills... I like that green powder that they put in your water to drug you with the idea that your life will be healthier and longer. I don't see what's the point of living so long. Anyway, we live forever.

Dissipation has been a life style, a state of mind for me in the last years. Let downs, blows from the past (not a haunting past in the sens that bad things happened, but more in the sens that nothing happened while I am now thinking that something should have happened...), floating between the possibles, not really knowing what's my morality line but still following some kind of path out of sin, you know, out of all this stuff that the wasted artists like to challenge to feel dirty and unpure..., loving wasted kids, not really hating fashionable healthy-looking kids, being stuck in the idea that the way the people approach each other is very very bad..., so staying away, away, appreciating the tought of being a distant mystery for strangers, prefering to pass by someone and feeling some kind of "dream of the possibles" that feels like bees in your stomach and body melting to concretisation...

So this is it, the world is all over the place wherever you are, and people are misadapted everywhere... Here, in China, this is the place to come if you want it easy... but want what? everybody wants the same things but me, because I know how to refuse, to refute, and even to create new needs and desires, but I can't find a way in a world that seems paved for the others, the common needs and desires. This is bad, really bad, I can't feel the futur pumping on the other side, the different life that breathes in today's air but that is waiting, languishing as they are not able... and as they are not able, I am not able, I lose the sight of it.

I'll just take another role next time, it feels kind of shamefull to be easy and almost swearing about how life is good here.

Later

It's been quite a while since I wrote something, I must apologize for my english readers as I may have neglected them for my french readers who are in a larger number since I'm french. I had lots of health problems these last days. I catched an everlasting cold, then for the last days i was throwing up and feeling very weak since i wasn't able to eat anything. Those are the joys of travelling far abroad. The only thing I haven't got so far is what usually the foreigners get first, tourista. There is not alot to do around here, mostly when you are not able to get what you want since that language barreer isn't easy to blow away. I bought a PS2, for entertainement with my hotel neighboors. Next step is a laptop, which I miss a lot for making music and playing the games I like. But I am not missing a lots of things except for that and maybe for the fact that the people here have absolutely no artistic initiative. They are very good at following and copying. Everything here is faked. The popular thing to do around here at night is karaoke. I can actually hear those chineses screaming their lumbs out on the late hours since my hotel room is close to one of those karaoke places. I really find that whole karaoke craze stupid. You only have a few songs repeating over and over again. You lock yourself in a room with a couple of people and you sing all night, as if you were the singer. They don't care for the music... usually it is a midi track with flat sounds. The important thing is that they recognize the song so that they can sing over it. Most of the songs are romance songs, as if they would have borrow the kitschiest side of western pop music. So if you are not into Karaoke, you may experience a long long time here. My fun is to make mouth sounds on the mic. It's time that I get back to music and start sampling those people around me. I don't really have new ideas, it will just come when I'll start making some new music.

Sorry for the long delay. Well, how great it is to be here, to feel here, to know that you're at the other end of the world, in a hidden gigantic sleeping monsterous land, drinking chinese beer, smoking their cheap cigarettes, misunderstanding everything, or should I say, not understanding most of what is being said, floating like an apparition, making funny sounds and funny faces to amuse the children who say "hello!", living a carefree life, lush at points.

I don't hang with the teachers, it's uncool, and therefore they're collegues, how low is it to hang with colleagues... They are always in their offices... We, foreigners, don't have to, because we are the western superior mind. People here are really good at following the rules, discipline is their word. But they have no iniative. Nobody creates over everything, nobody tries to be different. They were taught to respect the authority. And here we come with our free thinking sensibility... A shock, that's a shock... I tell my students to use their imagination. First, they don't understand a word I say, and second they have no diccionary nor vocabulary to put in english words the chinese words they want to say. I sing, I dance, I make entertainment more than teaching...

But that's fun, really, we don't fell like working, and we make lots of money to do whatever we want without a care.

Later

Hey, how come do some people end up here, in the middle of China, in a city almost innaccessible because surrounded by mountains... how come to they end up here, away from the life they had back home? I am finding out, skeletons, skeletons working their brains, so much, so much that it pushed them here. You'll hear more about that, promise...

You know how come Sichuan (the province in which we are) has the most beautiful girls in all China they say? Because at the times where emperors were looking for all the prettiest girls in China to marry all of them, Sichuan was the only innaccessible region, so they couldn't have the girls sent to the capital.

I am already forgetting about my first hook, she's too much in the same office of mine... Work and love don't go together, in fact they're opposite. You've got to oppose things here, that's the way they understand things, that's the way they manage and lenghten their life.

You must find a girl that speaks english, or you won't be able to communicate (see how tool less we are?). That's why we teach it.

My brains are kind of spreading, I am already starting to fantasy. I am not able to structure... this will be a crazy chinese mess. You go in those chineses restaurants, bars and shops, and they all talk crazy chinese. You have some chinese girl with you, to translate. They are having long arguments about everything, even if you just want water. They will talk and talk furiously, for maybe one minute, and then you'll get your water.

They are buying anything from occident. So you walk inside a bar, you tell your chinese interpret friend that they should do a ladies night. So your interpret walks off the table and goes straight at the bar owner, who is always there, and they have a long animated talk. She comes back to you 5 minutes later and tells you they will try that. Then you say wednesday should be the day. She walks off the table and goes straight at the bar owner and they talk it over and so on... You are selling your ideas like this. Anything goes, they'll buy anything. So we can shape this place without understanding a word around us. At your service sir... This is so crazy...

... I am always laughing and enjoying myself like a kid. You get drunk in a bar, with a foreigner friend from the Phillippines. You two are drunk and at a point in the night he tells you " there's that kiwi girl, she's in the imports exports, who is coming to meet us" I am like "what? what are you talking about? kiwi girl?" And he goes "yeah, she's in the imports exports and we are meeting her, me and my girlfriend (he has a girlfriend that acts as an interpret and that is setting a lot of things up). You want to join?" And then I had a wild crazy laugh, i was laughing crying... Kiwi girl... in that cool bar (that' how we call the bar because we haven't got any name for it, all chinese so...), at that time of the night, when we're drunk and I loose everything that is being said, at that time... this is so absurd and out of place, and I don't know if that meeting is gonna be serious but you really invite me to join? And I could make out any suggestions and they'd buy it?? And what do you care about kiwis anyway?

That kind of stuff happens all the time, the chineses around you are so serious about everything, like clumsy business entrepreneurs, and they are talking and talking and buying and buying and argumenting and argumenting about the most ridiculous idea or most unsignificant details. It is so funny, because they are so much into it, so much into their business... I am not into it so that's a wild show for me to enjoy. I like to be at a distance.

Anyway, enough for today,

later,

Maybe I should introduce you with what I am actually doing in China. I came here to teach english in a university. More precisely, this is a branch of a university. There are actually only computers students, and they have to get two english classes, one regular class with a chinese english teacher, and one extra class with a foreigner. This is a brand new way in China, not more than ten years old, and still it is kind of missing structure and such. So I came here with my brother to teach english.

We are in China center-west, in Qing Cheng Schan, a small suburb of Du Jiang Yan (500 000 h.), and the closest metropole is Chengdu. We went to Chengdu for the first time yesterday, amd I never seen such a big city filled with so many people. It is endless, buildings, chineses, you could just drive all day long and never see the end of it. I've seen two white people there, this means we are alone, really, we are alone and unreal.

But not lonely. The chinese english teachers, the only ones we can communicate with, are taking care of us. Mostly the young female teachers.

We must be 8 or 9 foreigners. Almost all of them are old men who were looking for an easy match with young girls. That's kind of disgusting, the young girls are really vulnerable and they fall easily for foreigners. I am the youngest one and could easily be a student. I don't think I'd go out seriously with one of those young female chinese teacher, they're really nice, but mostly friendly, and I don't find something attractive over it that would drive me to want more. Only one of them has got a hook on me. I don't want to spread myself or take the easy one or the second best. Let's see what I can do, because they are not easy to read through, mostly in their eyes, you can barely see what they feel, as they are so business like, so involved in what they do, and mostly different behaving, different reacting to feelings.

I should start post pictures pretty soon, but I'm not really into pictures taking, I prefer to have it in my mind.

later,

hello friends

Hi everybody,

This my first communication from China's soil, so I've gotta lot to say, but I'll probably make it short because I've just written a novel for my french readers... Well, we are here, in Qing Cheng Chin, suburb of Du Jiang Yan, which is close to Chengdu, a big center-west metropole. The site is awesome: we are in a bowl, surrounded by gorgeous mountains, pretty much in nature I must say.

Being a foreigner here is like being an unreal apparition for the chineses. Pretty simple, we are the only foreigners here, the only white people, so everybody stares at us, the girls are really making you uncomfortable, but I guess you get used to it. as a foreigner, you get privileges all around.

Messing with girls seem to be very popular among the foreigners, everybody is trying to set you up, and they say the girls are crazy about foreigners. I don't know, I am not willing to go out with any chinese girl who would go out with me just because i am a foreigner. Someone already is making me crazy, I've got to hold my brains or I won't be able to do anything else.

My mind is a real mess, absorbing so much weird things (everything is new...), getting no sleep, being driven crazy by someone, so I guess this communication won't give you so much... But, hey, come on down in china, I don't know how I am gonna leave this place,

Barlo